I Need More Drugs In My LIfe

Sometimes I wish I were narcoleptic. Seriously. That way when I got overwhelmed I could just fall asleep. Actually, if that were the case I'd be comatose not narcoleptic. The longer this need to improve my life continues, the more wrongs I feel I have to right, the more overwhelmed I become. Only recently have I become aware of how easily I get overwhelmed.

Most people, myself included, probably think I'm lazy. I realize now that I'm not lazy. I want to get things done, and if I have only one thing to concentrate on I can get it done and usually do it well. The more things I have that need to be done less I end up actually doing. It even sounds lazy. The truth is, when I start piling thing after thing onto my mental to-do list, the more my drive to do anything at all shuts down.

I can see now why as a child I was placed into the categories of slacker and A.D.D. I could go into the whole do-I-really-have-A.D.D. thing, but the short and skinny is, I don't think I have it. If zoning out in front of a T.V. or leaving your head for a minute while someone is talking to you about something you're not interested in means you have A.D.D., then I think we've all got it. It's a nationwide epidemic, not a disorder. It's an epidemic we've brought upon ourselves. I don't know this for certain but I'd guess there was no such thing as A.D.D. before the television was invented.

Yes, like half a gazillion other kids I was tested for A.D.D. and told I had a problem paying attention. NO SHIT?!? Kids shouldn't be tested for an attention deficit, of course they have it. THEY ARE CHILDREN! I mean, is this really that big of a deal? Sure, I've known a few people who have benefited from Retalin, but I don't think two-thirds of the nations kids should be taking it. If it's really that bad why not just candy- or chocolate-coat the latest in attention expander's and call them Do Not Eat This No Matter What.

I've gotten I little off subject here. The point I was going to make is, I don't blame my parents for thinking I had A.D.D. I had troubling getting things done on a regular basis. It wasn't because I couldn't pay attention long enough to do it. I would start to think about all the other things I had to do as well and I would shut down physically and mentally. I couldn't, and still can't, do any one thing on list of things to do because I was so overwhelmed by the list as a whole.

I'm certain I have some sort of disorder or imbalance, and I'm in the process of working towards correcting that. I've spent most of my life being too stubborn to think I had anything wrong with me. Or perhaps the world was not ready for a less overwhelmed me until now. I think everybody is a little fucked up in some way or another, and I guess I figured if all the other crazies could make it through life without popping attitude enhancers, so could I.

Now, with my wife and kids, and this need for a better life, I sing a different tune entirely. I've changed my status to pro-whatever-will-make-this-easier-on-me. Drugs. Supplements. Herbs. Ointments. Topical creams. Bring 'em all on...so long as it helps.

I want to enjoy my life more. I want things to be better, not just for me, but for everyone in my family.

I can't do it by sheer force of will anymore. I need a little help.

I'm okay with that now.