I want to change a lot of aspects of my life, but I'm not sure how to do all of it. I mean, somethings are subtle, little changes. Getting rid of crap I don't even look at anymore, things like that. But some of them are big changes, like finding a new job. I'm pretty much trying to go from one extreme to the other.
Right now my day pretty much starts at around two in the afternoon and ends at about six in the morning. I'd like my day to start around nine and end at about midnight, but that's quite a leap to take. In all honesty, I'm not looking forward to the initial transition. The end result will be a good thing. I'll be able to spend more time with my family instead of being on the opposite schedule as them. I'll pretty much be on the same time as everyone else, you know?
My life consisted of dealing poker and gambling all the time, but all that has gotten old. It's a glamorous lifestyle for a single guy. However, I am the furthest thing from a single guy, except for the guy part. Anymore it's become nothing but a hardship for me and my family. It still has it's moments, but nothing that would make want to seriously think about continuing to do it for much longer. And it would be nice to have a steady source of income for a change. It's been a long time since I've known almost exactly how much I was going to make on any given week. Most people with a calculator can tell you how much their paycheck is going to be.
I want to start writing again. That's a fairly big jump for me as well since I haven't really written anything in probably five years. There are a lot of things I still enjoy about writing, but as of now it just feels like hard work. I know it won't feel like that forever. Getting past all these cobwebs is a bigger chore than I thought it would be, though.
Part of me thinks I could start writing while I continue to deal, but I don't think it'll ever happen in I stay in the same situation. I've developed habits over the last few years that have nothing at all to do with writing and I think the only way I'm really going to start writing is to break those habits. I'm such a picky writer anyway. I have to be comfortable and enclosed in my surroundings to be able to write. I'm not one of those people who can just write anywhere with like a crayon and a napkin. I have to write with a computer or a word processor of some sort. Basically I need a writing tool that can keep up with the speed of my thoughts. If I had to write things out with just a pen and paper I would almost never get anything actually done because to much stuff would leave my head before I got it onto the paper. I don't mind using paper and pen, but only for intimate writing like in a journal.
Basically what I'm trying to do is change my whole life around, and it's an overwhelming task, to say the least. The best I can hope to do is to take every little thing one step at a time. I have a bad habit of trying to do everything at once. I'll have to force myself to see it as one individual step at a time instead of looking at the entire thing.
Wish me luck.
